*PANIC ATTACK!!!* Grocery shopping, Thank you everyone for all your support and encouragement!!
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today shopping do I have on me you
wouldn't know that I do craps right oh
my gosh look at my glasses
I need defrost anyways good morning
welcome to today it has started out in a
better motion I will give it that I I
could not go to bed last night until
after 3 o'clock this morning my brain
just would not shut off and I think a
lot of it has to do with the fact that I
don't like going to bed when I'm mad I
just I don't get good sleep
I have wild dreams and so I think that
my body was just on a kind of like on a
little I don't know what you would say
it but just you know I was I was worked
up about all of yesterday just yesterday
was a really it was honestly a really
really rough day for me and it's been a
long time since I've really had one of
those days where I just wanted to
seriously just ball up into a ball and
cry like that's how bad my day was
yesterday and it's been a very long time
since I've you know experienced
something like that and experiencing it
at a different level now because of
being in therapy and learning my
techniques and things like that you know
of course I look at situations in a
different manner now rather than blowing
up and freaking out and screaming and
yelling I mean which I did do a little
bit yelling yesterday I'm not gonna lie
I mean I did I my kids tested every
button I think I had and even found so
many ones like that's just how rotten
they were so for me it was just one of
those nights where I went to bed and my
brain would not shut off like I was
running through my brain like what am i
doing
wrong Amaya bad parent am i you know am
I not raising my children right you know
try to do the best I can you know you
know I feel like that failure like I
feel like a failure to my children to
myself to ollie because I couldn't
control my household you know yesterday
because it was just such chaos and so
mean I mean it was it was a pretty you
know stressful day and I just think that
my sleep couldn't happen yesterday
because I just had so much
seriously just running rapid through my
brain but today's a new day and you know
I'm gonna have a better day I'm not
gonna let what happened yesterday
you know bleed into today because that's
not huh no are you sure he brought it
out did you find it I don't see it over
here unless it's under one of these
blankets
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I am extremely extremely broken out
which I think it flow is coming or
should be I think I feel like it I've
been filling in a couple like the last
week I have felt like it but she hasn't
came yet so she should be coming around
the corner when she comes anyway so we
are know as we're being all blinded
here's all we of course putting on his
glasses in the sense of winter anyways
we are off to go grocery shopping we
have to go to Walmart we have to go to
Costco and I'm not sure if where else we
have to go but for sure for sure Walmart
and Costco those are like my two main
stores but I think we're gonna go to
Walmart first so when we get there I
will check in with you guys so bad right
now I want to cry because I'm like
sweating for me this room is wanting to
walk her little legs aren't walking fast
enough so always like I can go can you a
car and I'm like nope I have to walk I
have got to walk
so huh here let me see which one which
one is that original yeah but I want the
peppered one two yeah
no it's her come on let's go down the
soil because well I need to get them so
anyways yes I thought I would check in
with you guys and tell you Jeremy on I'm
about ready to cry but I'm not gonna
give up I am going to continue walking
no matter what there is no if ands or
buts about it
[Music]
Wow so you guys look at this sighs look
I'm just to show you guys something
really quick all you've just told me so
this is a 10 ounce bag in Egypt right
now there are 135 dollars for this you
guys know come on
put those back
[Music]
anyways so yes I okay that works
anyways so we got everything we've
needed to get on the other side of the
store but then we had to obviously come
over to the food side so now my back is
killing me but it's okay I have my
little I will flip the camera around
show you guys a little bit of this work
did you need anything down the phone
okay so let's go come on let's row and
this miss thing thinks she needs to do
her shopping when she's older said I
will be able to give her my shopping
sorry mum what - oh yeah oh yeah yeah oh
yeah
I don't see I'm dying
suck out here can't give it the buff
center that which one you guys come on
go left out left
wah wah wah chicken Joe
Shaunie's
after you hit me then you were gonna
give me kisses
yeah oh that's nice bud you up are you
gonna give me a move
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[Music]
yes I don't know what's wrong like I'm
like really dizzy I'm like shaking it's
just like not cool
I'm sitting here kind of trying to catch
myself always started doing leisure
shopping I'm like let's go
so seriously feel like I'm gonna get
sick okay
okay you guys all joking with you when I
get into the car because I'm getting
really dizzy and I'm feeling like I'm
gonna pass out seriously
okay you guys I don't know if you can
even see me but we are out of the store
although my husband for this home off
the wrong side so entire thing to get to
the store I didn't do my exercise last
night goodness where did you park he's
still walking
anyways so we did not clearly get
everything that we needed from this
store but you guys my eyes started to
black out hard to scare me
and I was like oh no I am NOT going to
flatten myself out in Walmart so we
decided to leave and there was only a
few things that we didn't get that uh
only we'll have to get later I am in the
car I don't know what was going on I
don't know if it was because the store
was so hot which literally I felt like
the heater was on 90 in there
Omar can you wait a minute anyways I
just felt like the heater was on really
hot so I started overheat and when I
start to overheat I think I
hyperventilate and I don't know why I do
that but I just do this doesn't hope
that the Sun is like beating so it's
been a while since I've even eaten and I
don't know if that has anything to do
with it so we grabbed a little bit of
fruit for me to eat some cantaloupe cut
up cantaloupe because we still have to
go to Costco but I'm not going into
Costco all he's just gonna go in because
there's not a whole lot that we have to
get from there at least not now so he is
going to go into Costco and that way
then we can just go home and unload it
all but my phone charger in my car is
not working and my phone is on 10% so I
would probably will not check in again
with you guys until we get home because
there's just no way I'm gonna be able to
do it but I just want to let you guys
know and I felt like when I got into
this sense of panic for some reason like
I felt like I was gonna pass out the
first thing I thought about is oh my
gosh I need to talk to you guys I need
to talk to you guys I need to talk to
you guys and it just helped me calm down
and relax
a little bit so I just want to thank you
guys so much for giving me that ability
to have that sense of reassuring comfort
that I know just being able to talk
through you guys through the you know
through the vlog but be able to reach
you guys that it just makes me feel
better and that was like the first thing
I did was just grab my phone and start
talking to you guys to get my mind off
of things
I think cuz I started going to my panic
and it just run brought me back so I
just want to thank you guys of you guys
it's helped me so much on so many levels
I don't think you guys realize what
level you guys have actually helped me
in so many ways Walmart I did grab a
water because I need something to cool
down and then this is the cantaloupe I
got just the chunks of cantaloupe so I'm
gonna stay here and eat a couple of
those just to see if that will help a
little bit by getting something in my
stomach and then when I get home I will
check in with you guys I don't want my
camera to die on you and then so I'll
check in with you guys in just a bit oh
pretty it is outside is like so
Oh
so now that I have gotten in here and
I've calmed down
relax chill on catching my breath you
know what I was really like thinking
about it and I was like you know here it
totally would have been a time where I
would have found myself running to the
to the shopping cart to the motor cart
whatever it's called scooter because I
mean that was the first thing all he was
like do you want me to go and get one
and I was like you know no no I'm fine
I'm fine you know and I I was like no I
I really need to just walk you know and
just do this but in the past I would
have been like oh my god like my are all
you're gonna have to go get a car like
you're gonna have to do it because even
that that feeling of like you know
starting to get hot and shaky and you
know cuz I was exercising clearly that's
why I was doing but you know I really
was thinking about it you know I would
have been like okay go get a you know a
motor car or or a scooter or I'll just
go and sit in the car and let you finish
doing the grocery shopping but when he
was like honey I can go get you a car I
was like no like I'm not no I am NOT
well actually no he originally I'm the
one that said okay I think I might need
a car and he's like well I can go get
you one and then a second later I was
like what are you doing Amy and I'm like
no no no no never my don't it was like
why like if you need it honey and I'm
like no no
it would be easier to have it don't get
me wrong but I don't need it and I'm
gonna walk and so I did but you know was
it uncomfortable of course it was hold
on hold on yes yes I said hold on and as
soon as daddy comes out he should be
coming out in a second I'll have him
come okay Omar I heard you I heard you
um hold on okay I don't have anything up
here you have to wait okay okay anyways
but as I was really thinking about it
was like you know at a time like this
normally I would have just jumped to the
car and just you know said forget it and
be more comfortable because it is
comfortable to be in one of those when
you are the size that I am and what
you're used to you know being in one of
those is more comfortable but to push
yourself past that comfortability is
where you're gonna start to see change
and that's that's like the biggest thing
for me is just pushing continuing to
push myself look you can see the toilet
back there but I just really was proud
of myself because I would have normally
went into one of those and I just didn't
do it I wasn't gonna let myself and I
didn't so anyways but I just thought
about that as I was sitting here my kids
are screaming in the back because only
had to go into Costco now that I did not
go into because they are packed the kids
were already being horrible and I was
just like no you go get that stuff and
let's go home so anyways I will check in
with you guys when I get home because
surely my phone is going to seriously
die and oh here comes my husband now so
anyways I was talking with you guys when
I get home okay so just got home
just put my phone charger because it was
like literally on 2% I'm like I hate
when my phone is dead and I'm gonna have
to get another charger for the car
because I can't obviously be vlogging
and not have places that I can clearly
plug my phone so but I got home I put
the groceries away like all the
groceries I just didn't my phone like I
said my phone was dead and the kids were
going crazy I just didn't feel like
standing there and vlogging plus when I
was getting out of the car I think from
doing all the walking I did today I
don't know what happened but I tweaked
my sciatic nerve let's just say Amy can
barely walk like literally I could
barely walk now so I just wanna round
got everything put away with Holly and
then I brought the stuff into my room
that's like not refrigerator and not
really groceries but more like snacky
stuff so someone's the kid so I tear my
face up some of the kids some is mine so
yeah anyways I'll show you what we ended
up getting and that way then and now
remind you this is just stuff that we
got from Walmart but yeah and I'm not
gonna do so first thing I got is I just
got equate which is the Walmart brand of
nighttime bath baby bath this stuff
smells so so so so good this is like my
favorite although when I after I had the
babies I got the Johnson Johnson one of
the nighttime calming chamomile I think
it is that's pretty much the same exact
thing but for the babies I definitely
went with Johnson and Johnson but reason
I bought this is because the kids have
been into wanting to have bubble baths
but I am afraid to actually buy bubble
bath because I know when I was younger I
used to like bubble baths but I always
would get UTIs after having bubble baths
so I didn't I mean they clearly you
could get a huge jug for like $2 anywho
so I went ahead and just bought these so
that I can make bubble baths for them
but at least if it's this it would be
less likely to give infections or rashes
or any type of irritation so I went
ahead and picked up those so I got two
of those I picked up two corn searches
but I put one in my cabinet out in the
kitchen and then here's one I keep this
in my room
because as you all know when you're
bigger
you need to keep much drier than an
average person so after my showers I
always blow dry in between all my rolls
yes I'm a big girl
I got rolls and then I apply cornstarch
in between all of my rolls to keep them
dry and to also help with like because
it it's dry it's not going to create
like any type of yeast infection or that
yeasty breakdown that sometimes you can
kind of get especially in summertime
you're more you are more prone to get it
during some one time cuz you're hot
you're sweaty but I always faithfully
put cornstarch I don't use baby powder
or anything this works
absolutely the best so I always keep
this on hand because and it lasts
forever
I mean honestly I think the last one I
bought was like seriously like six
months ago but you never know when well
I mean I use it every single time I take
a shower but you never know when you
need a little extra so I got two of
those I picked up more hair ties you
guys why why why do we have to pick up
more hair ties well as for pick these
out see you know went on a little
shopping spree so she picked these up
okay I remember when I was really little
I used to own these I've seen these
around and forever so I was like and
there were only 97 cents so how could I
not and then I just picked up another 30
pack of these I mean we have quite a few
in fact here's my well I'm actually
missing some because here's a baggie I
keep all of my hair ties in but I'm
missing my colored ones over they are
anyways here is the one that I just
bought from Dollar Tree so you get 18
for a dollar this one is to something
and you get 30 but I mean I don't care
it's just as long as we have enough on
hand and I try to get a multi pack with
like kind of darker colors because with
Omar you know it makes it nicer and then
like for me and I swear we can use the
yellow of those Reds and the purples but
he can use the orange flax booze
Green's so anyways yes I got more hair
ties because you know with three people
that use them and never can go wrong
my honey got this something-something
leaking or something Funky's over here
spilling because my anyways he uses this
stuff for his aftershave so he picked up
this and of course the kids I think
already had a fun challenge trying to
open it up but he always uses this one
this is like for sensitive skin so this
one works the best for him because he
really has sensitive stuff back then
picked up Papa bomb
this is Nair bikini cream sensitive
formula I was actually watching a
YouTube channel the other day and I
can't remember who it was if I can
remember I will put it down here on the
screen I'll have to look it up and see
if I can figure out where our peanut but
anyways I was looking at a video and
this lady was talking about Nair bikini
cream since it a formula and I've tried
Nair products before and I've always had
a really bad reaction to him so when she
was talking about this I thought well
you know I mean it wouldn't be it
wouldn't hurt to try
so I went ahead and picked this one up
because you know honestly as a woman
most women I can't say everybody but for
a lot of women they like to keep that
area nice and clean and especially with
being a bigger woman it's nice to keep
that area clean but to shave it's
impossible it's really impossible and
then you're dealing with you know
accidentally cutting yourself you get
ingrown hairs and it's just not it's not
comfortable and so when she was talking
about this she said they worked so good
so I'm gonna try this tonight and see
how it works I will let you guys know if
it is something that works good and if
it does I really hope it does because
honestly I'm really excited about it
this one's a 1.7 ounce and Amazon they
have it for $11 but you get four ounces
I want to
so I want to see actually just open it
up really quick and see I mean I don't
know how much you're gonna get out of
that but I mean I don't know we'll see
I'll let you guys know what I think
about it definitely something that might
work really good and I'm hoping so
because I would like to be able to use
something like this
this sweet Apple wash since Ezra was
born and they had the lotion but they've
never had the actual soap and this is
the big one so I am so sad this is
smells so so so so so good but I bought
it actually cuz I needed to get body
wash anyways for myself and I always use
babies so it because my skin is very
sensitive like I was saying earlier with
bubble baths and stuff I can never use
bubble baths bath bombs none of that
type of stuff because I break out so bad
and I automatically always get a UTI so
I use everything very like gentle stuff
so I've always used baby soap and I've
never had an issue since I've done that
but this stuff oh it's so excited I want
to take a shower right now to smell it
but anyways this up is awesome if you've
never smelled it or tried it you guys
should look at for it at your local
Walmart because this stuff is bomb we
bought this stuff this is not the fun
thing if this is mopping stuff but Jun
no gotta be adults somewhere so yes this
is for our spin mop and here is I need
these turkeys go back and I looked at
our local gas station the other day does
a homeboy I don't want to so bad
and we're like a small pool probably
this size bag they wanted $11 at Walmart
it was like 6 something's almost $7 11
bucks you guys for something like this
and I'm like oh no no
not spending that much so I didn't get
it but I was able to get it today so I
just got original beats per game and
peppered beef jerky I am just so excited
what what do you mean what I got
ah yeah I got some hair ties Omar you
know those are sisters you know Scott
throws for herself
so that was I got these for the babies
because they're always wanting gummies
so I went ahead and I did buy these so
anyhoo is what we got from Walmart I
think there was like some food items but
those are okay hold on this row yes
you're on my foot
anyways so we got like some food I have
been items and stuff but it you know
clearly wasn't something I was
oops too worried about keeping Oh No
so anyways I'm gonna go really quick
because she's got scissors and I need to
get him from so so I thought I would do
so actually
on my way really quick - I got my soup
I'll be back a little bit so when we
were at Walmart tonight or today I
bought my pricing book that I'm going to
do for the business and so what I did
was on all the products that I will be
able to offer no I'm talking about like
now talking about designs none of that
but just like the shirts tumblers the
pricing on those the baby gowns blankets
hats panties all of that type of stuff
I'm making a price book and that price
book will be my book for everything like
that book will be stuck to my skin
literally but in that book we'll also
have like my ordering sheets it will
have everything like that book is going
to be like part of my life so what I did
was I went through my camera and I'm
hoping and praying but so what I did is
I sent it from my phone to Walgreens
and had it developed the pictures and
I'm gonna put them in the book with how
much you know like all the information
that goes along with that particular
picture for that price in the item so
I've been working on that this evening
so I told all is I can run up to
Walgreens with her I can pick up those
but she's like yeah go for it
he's cooking chicken right now yeah
we're gonna have a whole Acadia which is
soup it's like a some kind of a plant
I'd have to ask him I he tells me all
the time and I always forget that is
like Ezra's favorite soup so he's gonna
make that he was gonna make potatoes but
he's like did you cook the potatoes I'm
like no honey I didn't cut potatoes I
don't need potatoes very I mean very
rare will I eat a potato like very rare
so anyways and yes I am filling in with
a million times better since Walmart I
seriously seriously think I just I I
think I just had a panic attack
and somebody had asked me like cool you
know what would have caused it
honestly I really don't know what could
have caused it
other than Ezra was walking in the store
and that makes me very nervous when
she's walking because just you know you
hear so much about you know sex
trafficking and the black market and all
these things and it just makes me sick
to my stomach when my kids have any
access of being able to possibly be
graphed like that's just me so I think
I've literally worked myself up over it
so bad that it just it made me sick and
not only that but the store was hotter
than crap like literally they had the
store at like 80 degrees I'm not joking
it's like dude we're not snowing we're
we're not in freezing weather yeah like
chill it out a little bit so I think I
just got overheated plus I was trying to
like get everything on my list and
Walmart didn't have everything it seemed
like they were like running out of
everything so I think that also was kind
of working me up a little bit because
you know it's like you go to the store
to get your stuff and you're not being
able to find it and so you're just like
getting frustrated so I think that that
kind of played a little bit of it too I
just think it was a whole bunch of
little things added to one and it just
made it something big
and so in return I just like clearly
lost it for a minute and once I got home
and settled that stuff I felt so much
let me run into the store really quick
grab this these pictures and then I'll
be right back okay I went in and I
needed to find like a really thin marker
or like a Sharpie something that would
show up really good on my on my price
letters are my sort of my price labels
and so they're so expensive though so I
just I ended up finding one that was I
don't know 99 but it's like obvious
thing go to Dollar Tree and get it all
right
Dollar Tree tonight no no but it'll be
nice to get this part done so I feel
like we're making progress like I feel
like we're going in the right direction
I feel like we're you know we're going
in I'm going in the right direction to
get the business going you know I am so
antsy to start because I'm gonna do this
so bad
and but I also have to remember you know
that I have to have patience because
everything that comes with the business
cost a lot of money so it's just like
but it's alright
you know it's okay it will all do it it
will all happen in its right timing you
know but I like I took a ball II I said
I don't want to rush it though either
and not have everything that I need and
start out and flop you know so when I do
something I normally do it at a hundred
percent
I don't do even 98 it needs to be so for
me it's like huh you know sorry you guys
because I think there's a copper behind
night and I don't won't take it but
anyways so only asked me today though he
was like well you know make a list of
all the things that you're gonna need or
what all you're needy not what you are
going to need like what all you're still
needing which I told him I said pretty
much honey I still need
everything like I mean the only thing
I've gotten so far is the Cricut machine
which it's a big piece of my you know
business of course but either still a
lot that I still need to get product my
press machine vinyl
tumblers coffee shop or coffee shots
haha
coffee cups stuff
panties you know I mean you name it I
still need all of it but you know he
wants the list
it's incoming that price you know think
so I told my said well you know give me
a chance to sit down and I will
definitely figure all that out I can
definitely give you a list of everything
that you last night without eating
because I was so upset yeah that was
choice because I woke up starving this
morning but I haven't really eaten much
today I had the cantaloupe earlier I had
it's called an Egyptian bread cheese
sandwich which is just some kind of
laughing cow cheese with some Egyptian
bread for breakfast
[Music]
definitely ready for some I think I'm
just gonna go ahead and close my walk I
need to go home
rice things for a while also take a
shower that time so anyways I wanted to
also let you guys know that I am
planning our next live for December 23rd
it's gonna be a 5:00 p.m. Pacific
Standard Time I know that that is the
day before Christmas Eve so I understand
if a lot of you guys are gonna be
traveling and not be able to make it on
and I'm totally cool with that but just
continue to keep putting your guys's
names in for the giveaway just drop them
in the comments because I'm already
making lists of names so I'll see if
there's a double you know on accident or
something it's not a big deal but
definitely
put your name in and that way we can
call your name out even if you're not
online you still can be the winner I am
SuperDuper excited for this next one I'm
not exactly sure what it's gonna be yet
I have to do some brainstorming but I
will definitely figure it out and for
all the winners that won the wreaths
will not I will Mel those out on Monday
and what else I think that is it you
guys so I am gonna head in my husband is
sitting in the garage like what you
doing honey bunny so I am going to head
in and go work on my price stuff and I
will check in with you guys tomorrow
bright and shiny in the morning and tell
them you guys sweet dreams bye bye
